Sunday, September 14, 2008

Life feels so blah right now

Well I wanted this post to be a honkey dorey one but life just isn't that way right now. Still dealing with a lot of unforeseen issues we have going on which were sparked by a few things. Buying our new car, the Duke turning 35, the housing market, having a toddler, things at work not going well for the Duke. We feel stuck. He feels like he's trapped and I feel alone. He's distant and it's just not working out well at the moment. I've spent the last 2 Saturday's in tears. I've done more crying in the last 2 months than I have in the last 2 years. We've lost our identity together. We're coexisting at the moment and it doesn't feel good. I have spurts where he seems like the old Duke and is back to normal but then it fades and life is blah again. It's a constant emotional roller coaster and I can't take much more of it. I'm trying to distance myself from it but it's hard. I've told him how I've felt but we are both hurting. I find myself saying and thinking hurtful things which isn't like me. I hate who I'm becoming right now. I'm trying to stay positive it's just so hard. I haven't really been talking to anyone about it because it's hard to pinpoint what's going on. We basically said Yes to God on our 9 year anniversary and it's been downhill since. I'm sure a lot of it is an attack on our marriage, this is so not fun. I just want to be who I'm supposed to be and do what I'm supposed to do but I'm not sure where we got lost. Please pray for us it doesn't seem to be getting better, only worse. I love you all.

Duchess Unruly Tresses


Princess Crazy Like a Fox said...

I hate that you are going through so much and we are all so far away. I can tell you that I have been there and sometimes return to the dark place you are in right now. I finally figured out something the other day that really helped me with my depression. I realized that the root of my depression was anger. I was so angry because I never thought my life would be like this. I envisioned two easy going sweet children, a booming business, a social network, family closeness, church family etc., not I don't have any of that. With that I have really turned to God like I never had before. He daily speaks to me through scripture and long distance friends. Since then things have really turned around. My life hasn't changed much but my attitude has.
I know that you are going through a lot right now, so I want you to know I am here for you. You are not alone and I am guessing you knew we would do all we could to support you. I took too long to talk to others about what I was going through and it wasn't until I did talk that I got the help I needed. I am so glad you have opened up I know that God will answer your prayes. Remember that which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, the trials and tribultions you go through prepare you for others, and our God will not give us anything we cannot handle.
I love you and will pray for you and The Duke.

Princess Crazy Like a Fox

Princess Soars Like A Bird said...

Okay, I think I figured it out??? This is Test #2...Not sure what happened to the first one.

Princess Soars Like A Bird said...

Hey, I'm so flighty...hence my name...fits perfect! Sorry I missed this. Okay, now we reallly need to take a ya ya night off...Let me know if you want me to look into the Portofino :P Then we can all chillax and vent it all out. I totally agree with my sis, "crazy like a fox." We have all gone through this. It's so true. I think, as girls we expect to be taken care of, and treated like a princesss and when our expectations are not even close to what we invisioned we get resentful and angry and take it out on the one person we think should be giving us all of that. The bottom line is, as much as we want them to, our "Dukes" and "Princes" can't give us that, only God can. There is so much that I would like to share about the things that I've been through in the past, dreams I've had and how I've been trying to overcome, but I have to go to work. I will try to write more later. I really love this, because it's a great place that we can get the girl support we need. How many times I've needed someone to talk and cry to. I just want to make one book suggestion if I may. It has helped me when I didn't think it was possible for things to even come close to getting better. Things were really bad, but this book Helped. It's called "Love & Respect" by Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs. Someone told me about it when their marriage was actully at the point of divorce, and things got more then 100% better. I need to read it again, but things have gotten so much better for us. We haven't arrived but it's better. The premise of the book is that the Bible tells men to "love" their wives and women to "respect" their husbands. This is crazy because love isn't enough for them. Anyway because it's what the Bible says we do it as unto God (because our men don't always deserve it). Once they see we are respecting them (even though it's hard, belive me), they return that with warmth, love, and protection towards us. The crazy thing work!!! Try it :P